I’m dull. Well, maybe not completely dull. But duller than I’d like to be. I have not read the latest Pulitzer Prize winning novel, am not well-versed in any one particular subject, do not have a hobby or sport I’ve mastered through the years. Mostly what I am right now is stymied by vacation. I check my blackberry at regular anxiety-filled intervals and cycle my projects through my head in a panic. What have I forgotten? What haven’t I done? What could I be doing that I’m not? And when I’ve done with that exercise, I realize I have slowly, over five years time, become increasingly uninteresting. Faced with a day of no work obligation I am paralyzed.
Day One I gave over to Sig Other and his insistence that I learn to shoot. So we trekked out to Piru (a place where bucolic farmland meets Deliverance) and I learned to handle an HK, a Glock and a Remington. Turns out I’m a good shot. I don’t quite get the adrenaline high “yeehaw” of our instructor after shooting the shit out of stuff. But I’m good at it.
Day Two was Christmas – Sig Other and I took the dogs to Venice. Alpha Dog nearly ran off while Beta Dog sad idly by watching Sig Other and I run hysterically after her. We then harnessed both beasts, put on their Hanukah jingle bells and took them for a long walk by the beach before heading off to an over-indulgent dinner with friends. On our way we marveled over the number of Jews with Christmas trees and Sig Other raged about how he felt it disrespectful to Christianity to strip their holiday of symbolism.
And now its Day Three. Sig Other is off on his bike – he’s in training for the century he’ll ride on his birthday. Alpha and Beta are sleeping sweetly. And I’ve begun a novel I’ve wanted to read for weeks now. The start is unsatisfying. I realize I’m a little sick of drunk-lit. Ex-Husbands #1 and #2 were drunks and clearly there was a long period of time when the romance of alcoholism held an intense appeal. But those days are long past and the self-indulgence of an addict’s tales no longer hold me rapt for long.
And so I’ve put my book down and am instead focusing on how I got this uninteresting. I must do something to address this – take up a hobby, find a book I like, explore ways I can expand my brain past the limitations of the everyday challenges it meets. Wish me luck…