I was sitting at lunch with a girlfriend today and somehow we got on the subject of the children and life before and after. And we talked about driving to games and horseshows and playdates and the grocery store and what my weekends look like now versus what they looked like when I was single and not the stepmother of two fabulous children. The funny thing is I swear I do not remember what I did all day Saturday and Sunday in my single life. I know I was in better shape. I know I was well manicured. I know I saw friends more and was certainly more aware of the latest in handbag styles and skirt lengths. But was that really what took up the 48 hours in between my last staff meeting of the week and my first? Good God!
Let me back up. Where I’m going with all of this, what I was thinking about in the shower as I washed off the detritus of my day was this: you can’t have it all. I know we all know that. I know we all repeat to ourselves every day. And I know that as much as we say it to ourselves as adults, the damage done when we were young and being raised in the brave new world of liberation is too great to overcome. Because in that world – in the world of the working woman and equal opportunity and bra burning – no one said you can’t have it all. In fact, they said quite the opposite. They said, “go for it.” No on ever said, “you have to choose.” There was never a conversation about balance or priorities or any of that stuff.
Honestly, I blame it all on the Enjoli girl. Remember her? She could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never, never let you forget you’re a man? Her? Right. She fucked us. Because clearly the Enjoli girl only worked a three hour day. The rest of the time she was working out and getting a great wash-n-set so she could look like a rocking sex bomb when she walked in the door to greet her bacon-loving husband. And where were the kids? No where, that’s where! Because Enjoli girl didn’t have time for rugrats. She was busy earning, buying and frying the bacon before dripping the grease on her husband’s cock as foreplay to the kind of dirty sex romp that only well-rested, well-worked-out people experience.
But I digress. My point is simply this. There is no one I know who has it all. There may be some people who look like they have more than others. I may actually be one of those people. I am crazy about my husband, I have a terrific job, phenomenal stepkids, two ridiculously good-looking dogs and amazing friends. Everything looks really good. And it is. I am NOT complaining. But, the outside lights in my backyard are all blown out and have been for weeks. No telling when I get around to fixing those. For about six months I’ve been thinking my windows really, really need to be cleaned but soon it will be the rainy season so I may as well put that off until Spring. My mother’s 75th birthday is coming up and I have reservations at various restaurants but no firm plans. I’m two months behind on waxing, haven’t dealt with a recent speeding ticket and don’t remember my last manicure. I mostly feel like I’m bad at my day job and I sometimes feel I’m failing on the home front as well. So it all may look fantastic but just so we're really, really clear and for anyone who may have missed my point let me make it again, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. Got that? Great.