Sig Other has an iPad. He got it on Day 3 of release. He would have had it Day 1 had I not been a Bad Wife. Bad Wife did not cancel her Saturday activities in order to stay home and wait for the UPS man to come and deliver the iPad on the day of release. Instead, Bad Wife ran errands - went to the nursery so there would be plants in the yard, went to the grocery store so there would be food in the house. Bad Wife didn't realize that by attending to such mundane tasks she was, in fact, delaying the deeply satisfying and highly anticipated arrival of the iPad. And so, Bad Wife was shunned for nearly 48 hours - the amount of time it took for the weekend to pass and for the UPS man to show up at the door in his innocent brown shirt and slacks, looking for the signature he needed in order to deliver the Baby Jesus - I mean, um, er, the new iPad to Sig Other.
Sig Other loves his iPad. He loves it so much, in fact, that I fear he may have forgotten that he also, sort of, loves his wife. Or at least he used to. His wife, unfortunately, does not come with a program that allows him to play air traffic controller until the wee hours. His wife does not have an app that invites him to play piano with random strangers all over the world. His wife does not act as computer, television, movie theater, library, house remote, video game arcade and best friend all at the same time. His wife, alas, is but flesh and bone.
If I had an iPad, perhaps I would know how to reach Steve Jobs. And perhaps if I could reach Steve Jobs, I would tell him that his device is poorly named. Not because the name immediately brings to mind feminine hygiene products for those of us raised with Beavis & Butthead (uh, huh huh - you said "pad"). But because in fact the iPad is more than just a super computer. It is more than just an entertainment center. It is, truly, the number one way to avoid human interaction. And so I hereby bestow upon the iPad its new and proper name, the "ignoreyourwifePad" or more simply, the "iDivorce" - one stop shopping for those interested in obliterating whatever ties that bind. And so if you see Steve Jobs, please give a message from me - wish him a happy life and tell him I hope that he sleeps well at night while the rest of us drift off to the irritating sound of iPlanes landing on an iRunway.